Hi DipDumpling, it sounds like your anger is hurting you much more than him?? And why should you deserve that??!!!
Maybe try to see that whatever he did was for a reason/s, you don't have to agree with the reason/s but, maybe that was all he knew/felt he could do.
Now, depending on what he's done, if you can't forgive him (or can't forgive him right now) then I'd say that, that was OK as long as you can work towards not carrying the pain/anger/emotions attached, as long as you can work towards it not effecting your life now/from here on in, as long as you can focus on moving past it and making the future better.
And whatever he's done you can be stronger than that, you are a lot more than that!! You don't need to "walk in his shadow", you can free yourself to work on the kind of life you want without him pulling you down.
Alison