(((Skywhite))),

You are beginning to experience flashbacks and emotional flashbacks. Yes, I know they are scary and confusing. But you are going to be "ok". When these happen it is important to understand they are usually not very long and while we cannot really stop them, we can realize that when they happen they come in like a wave and last for a bit but they also always recede like a wave does too and they stop. After they happen, make sure you touch things around you so that you realize that what just happened is not "now" but at a different time in your life. You need to learn to bring yourself slowly back to the present. After you experience a flashback it takes the conscious mind time to figure it out and this can take some time, but don't let that scare you because nothing that comes forward can hurt you, it is already something you survived and you really are "ok" now. Sometimes if you were a child, after it recedes you might cry and still feel that child there, it's ok, still touch things around you be loving to yourself, that will help that lost child part you are remembering ok?

Past events are storred in different areas of the brain, some of these areas do not have language to them. Things like smells and sounds and some physical feelings. As these old memories surface, you will feel them like they are now, but they are not, you need to keep reminding yourself of that. Also it can take time for an entire event to come forward where your conscious mind can remember it all too. People are not used to having that happen and it scares them, but don't be afraid, it wont hurt you. What you will learn is that when you slowly put the pieces together and understand them better, you can finally process them correctly and that way whatever it is will just become stored as a memory eventually and not cause you to react or feel the way you do when they first come forward.

Ok, so far you have been able to identify your age when this took place, that is a good start. That also means that what comes forward will be of what a child that age will feel and think too. It will take time for your more grown up mind to understand that better and also learn to "comfort" that child part of you and finally get the nurturing you did not get back then. Just remember, whatever it is has an unment need, and it is ok for that to come forward because you can finally address it better "now" verses the time that it happened.

This is not some ghost/haunting/or punishment so do not think of it in that way. And it isn't any kind of punishment either. It is something that is just coming forward for you to finally address and process and "heal" from. So when it happens, make sure you touch things in your present to remind you where you really are and that you really are ok.

You can also keep a journal and write down anything you realize about the flashback, for example, you realize you are around age 4, that goes in that journal and you can talk about it with your therapist. If your therapist isn't present, remember, you can always come here and talk it out too. Talking it out is always good, it helps with the healing and staying in the present as well as helping you calm down again. Typically in a flashback we do not see ourselves, what we do see is our environment other people sometimes and how we feel at the time. For example, one of my flashbacks put me right into running through doors and I was very frightened and trying to get away. I only saw the doors and I did not see myself, but I did know I was running through the doors. Then the flashback faded but I was still upset and very confused. I was actually at my parents house when that happened and after the flashback happened I went upstairs where the doors were and I touched them and looked at them and in the present I was not running through them. After a little while I was able to consciously figure out that I was being chased by my older brother, I didn't see him in the flashback, but I was too busy in the flashback and when it did happen to actually see him, but I did know he was chasing me. I was able to put that event together and understand it and also remember many times when he chased me, and it also made me realize why doors opening and closing always triggered me and I even had a startle response to doors opening and closing too. I didn't know that about myself, and I was sensitive to doors, but didn't know why, now I know. It is not hurting me in the now, it all happened long ago and I am safe and now as an adult I understand it, and I remember it, but no longer have that flashback haunting me, now it is just a memory.

So, I hope that helps you understand better so that you don't panic now because these can be scary, but they are not going to hurt you "now", you already survived it, you just need to finally process it.

((Gentle Comforting Hugs)))
OE