There's so much people don't know about me. If only they knew, they would understand why I act the way I act. I can't wait for next year. New city, new friends, new school, new start. I'm going to change my approach to friendships. I know who I am now, at least better than I did before. I know what I want out of life and I've changed my attitude. Ever since I've gotten better, my attention span's been super short and I've been very vocal (probably because my confidence has greatly increased). Some may view is as obnoxious but I've been getting much more out of life.

Sometimes I wish they knew. I wish they knew that I wasn't as clean cut as I appeared to be. The goody two shoes used to turn to weed and cigarettes and self harm to cope. I would have random breakdowns and have too much anxiety to even start a simple assignment. I gave everything to get those 90s. I was on the verge of death and lost all hope. On the outside I looked like a star student; high 90s, part time job, and club president. What they didn't know was that I would desperately pray for help and gave everything I had to therapy. It took a lot of guts to even get my mom to understand that I desperately needed to go to therapy. They don't know the hurt I suffered from significant people leaving my life, including my therapist. I felt like I had no one and wasn't good enough for people to stay and love me. I still feel that way but at least now I know that there's no point in aiming for perfection. They don't understand my struggle to find someone to trust. Everyone I think I can trust end up letting me down just as I'm about to let them in. They don't understand my struggle coming to terms with my sexuality and facing rejection. I've been through a lot.

I just wish my teachers would understand my struggles and the reasons behind my grades and attendance slipping. At least I'm much happier now. I've learned to put my mental health before my grades. The most frustrating thing is probably the one teacher who knows that I've been going to therapy and still giving me a hard time about my grades and time management despite telling me earlier in the year that I was "too hard" on myself. You'd think she understand how serious it is for me to be going to the hospital and seeking treatment from a therapist and psychiatrist.