thanks guys. yeah, i guess i need to talk about it. because if i don't talk about it then i'll only act it out instead. and that would be worse. part of it is about the intensity. i find it hard to do things by halves. my emotions are either very very intense or i'm kinda dissociated from them. the dissociation can help with the present interaction. stops me doing anything irrevokable. but i guess there are costs with respect to other interactions and there are costs long term too as either the feelings come out violently with the alters or i push people away and they conclude they can't help me.

i just wish there was a 'mute' is all... i guess i'll start telling him this stuff properly by email when he goes away. but i'll also try and raise some of it when i see him on friday. i just... don't want to fall apart.

guess i need to practice the mindfulness stuff, huh. so i can feel the feelings without acting on them. so i can get better at distracting from them so i can have a good working day.

need to refocus back on work... getting into it today.

((((guys))))

thanks