I am a twenty-year-old student and my boyfriend is a working man.
A couple of months ago I started thinking I didn't love my boyfriend anymore. It developed into a true and full on anxiety that I had to leave him.

Now, after 4 or 5 months of feeling constant fear that I don't love him anymore, I'm scared I actually don't anymore. It's so weird and it is killing me. I so desperately want to love him again. We could talk for hours and about everything. Now I'm just constantly thinking that I believe he's not as funny anymore, why do I have to start every conversation we have (I know that in my right mind, this doesn't actually bother me at all, because I'm a talker, I need a listener) My laugh seems forced but I still long to feel his skin, to make love to him, to kiss him... When it is one on one talking, I'm just constantly focussing on how I don't feel like I'm in love. How I'm not proud of him anymore, why I constantly have an anger or frustration... He is the single most amazing man and when he is talking about marriage or kids, I'm actually flooded with happiness.
I'm so confused, I don't know what I should think. I don't want to break up with him because I would lose HIM. I'm not scared of being alone, not at all! I'm not scared of finding someone new because I believe that there are many 'ones', many people that could make me happy. But i do not want to lose him... Why am I so scared, why can't I feel love anymore, why can't we talk as much anymore, why don't I feel this passion anymore. Why is everything too normal...

I don't know, he deserves a woman who adores him cause he is worth adoration. I'm killing him every time we have a conversation about this... How can I open up again, I feel so lonely in this relationship and it is all my doing because he is trying so hard to reach me. I just block him. Out of fear of not getting hurt. He is my first relationship and I want him to be my last. He has so much to give to the world and he wants to give me sooo much. I want to open up again but something is blocking me. I've built a mental wall or something, to keep me from him. I can't reach him and he can't reach me and something has to change ! (been together 1 year and 8 months (been feeling like this for 4 months)) I need to grow up!!