Quote:
Originally Posted by Favorite Jeans
Funny you should mention it...
I never felt this was an issue for me until this week. I don't generally feel intimidated by T's knowledge or education. I (probably) have more post-secondary education than she does. I don't think of myself as having a lot of intense class issues or a sense of shame or inferiority around my socioeconomic background. But. This week T mentioned that she was going to be working one day less per week (2 days instead of 3) and that she'd be having extra time for herself.
My reaction was really intense and caught me off guard. I got all triggered and felt abandoned even though I currently only see her once a week and that won't change. What really surprised me was my feeling that she was incredibly spoiled. I have no idea what she does in her non-work hours and she may be carrying a very heavy load with respect to family responsibilities, personal illness or something else. My gut says that isn't the case--but what do I know? She is at least ten years from (what I consider to be) retirement age and only started practice as a T about 7 years ago. It is fairly obvious to me that this job is not a major source of income for her family and I don't think she "has to" work. (But nevertheless, T has always been very sensitive about my financial problems, has had lots of empathy about feeling stretched thin and overworked etc)
So basically it triggered a shitload of judgment from me (which I refrained from expressing aloud... my fear of abandonment was more than adequate fodder for the session). I like my work and am privileged in many ways. I am pretty much the sole breadwinner for my family and experience that as very stressful. I can't imagine a situation where work is optional for me and any revenue that I generate is a bonus. I also come from a family where hard work is practically a religion and people do not start to retire until their late sixties or seventies.
So I feel a kind of self-righteous anger about the whole thing. Like seriously, you're abandoning me to play more golf or something? After a mere 7 years in practice you can no longer bear a three day work week? Have you never thought you might be going a little overboard on the self-care?
(Don't worry I fully get the extent to which my feelings about this are irrelevant, I know I shouldn't make assumptions, she doesn't have to justify her personal decisions to anyone--much less me, her life doesn't revolve around my needs etc.)
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My therapist works part time four days a week. She lives alone and is working past the age that she could have retired. So, I admire her work ethic.
What your T is doing would drive me NUTS. I'd be so jealous! And I'd think that she was too much of a softie at life to really ever "get" me.
I really have a problem with women who are taken care of financially and women who have the freedom to dabble in their careers.
I know that some of this problem comes from within me because I've never had anyone to get my back. I have to work to make money and in some ways, I gave up my dream career because it didn't pay enough to really have a middle class lifestyle. But I had friends who had wealthy parents who could do that career and still afford to go drinking on the weekend. Jealous much? Youbetcha!
Also, I resent women who feel entitled to be taken care of -- ones who were taken care of by mom and dad and then graduated to being taken care of by a husband. It bothers me about men, too, but the attitude appears more prevalent in women.
The other thing that bothers me about it is the double standard. A woman expects to be a stay at home mother, or pursues a feminine helping non-threatening two-days-a-week career, while expecting that someone else will provide for her and give her the freedom to take care of her family.
WHERE IS MY FREEDOM TO TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY!?
You're not alone FavoriteJeans. I got problems!!
Edited to add:
Yes, I would think she is spoiled. That thought would be mitigated if she could ADMIT to her privilege. It bothers me when people who don't "have" to work don't seem to see their own privilege. Nothing drives me up an EFFIN WALL like someone with a fat bank account telling me that I should slow down and smell the flowers. But when people are humbled and say, "I know that I have it good," then, I don't feel so much anger. Plus, I always smell the flowers anyway.
Can you two talk about this? If you get insight, let me know!