I'm mad at him for a number of reasons, I'll admit. The vacation is just a chip in the iceberg. He is not meeting my needs anymore. He wants me to be healthy, and do healthy things, then okay, howbout this? TEACH ME? It's not that ****ing hard. Yes, I have dependence issues, I'm borderline, etc. So of course I'm attached to him in an unhealthy way. But he needs to realize words are not going to help me alone. He keeps saying I'm the only one that can help me. Okay, if that's so, then maybe I should just stop seeing him and save some ******* money instead. If he's starting to get frustrated, maybe he's just frustrated at himself for not being about to give me the "breakthrough" I need. And that's pathetic.

Yes, I am fuming mad at him. He is an amazing person, though, still. I wonder if me telling him all my feelings completely overwhelmed him and has gotten in the way of our treatment. Fine, then TELL me once again. Communication between us about "issues" just gets constantly pushed under the rug. I'm sick of it.

I feel like I'm grieving a romantic relationship. He may be my therapist, but it still hurts the same way, and the rejection is the same. I love him, yet I hate him.

I'm either going to not show up to any more appointments, and he can bill me and send those to collections, or I'll go one last time just to express my distaste with him, and send myself out the door. I feel like even if I did show up it would still give him the power of, "Oh, poor girl. She's just so sick. Not my problem." Either way he still wins.

This power struggle is something I have always struggled with when breaking up with my romantic partners; I always desire to have the last and final word. Not sure why it's coming out towards him. Wicked transference going on, right????

Sorry..I'm kinda losing it over here.