If he could be the perfect T for you what would that look like? I think it's important to keep asking yourself and then assessing, could you find a better T somewhere else because if so it could be this one is just not the right fit.

When my T upsets me deeply like this and I wonder what I wanted him to do differently sometimes it's obvious, so in those cases I can just tell him and usually he'll change or explain his side because maybe I misinterpreted him. Other times I will have no clear idea what he could do better, or maybe what I want him to do is something he cant do or is irrational, and when that happens I talk about it if I can because I think it goes back to my issues.

On not wanting to change, I think we all feel like that from time to time. You probably do want to change sometimes, so I would focus on that voice. When things get intense I often wish I could slow them down, it is scary. Deep down though I really do want change because feeling this insecure is very painful and just doesn't seem to improve on it's own. It sucks therapy doesn't work "better" and is as hard as it is, but at the same time I feel like I need therapy so it must be doing something. It does feel like I do most of the work myself, and my T is just there for support & motivation.