I agree with you that alcoholism and addiction is a very complicated issue and one size does not fit all in my view. It could be a huge spectrum with many reasons and causes just like mental illness. We are all so very different genetically, biologically, environmentally, the tools we have to deal with problems.

Maybe the guy who loses his job and gets divorced never learned the tools to deal with it and only knows to turn to the drink. Hopefully he will choose to get the help he needs and learn the tools without alcohol.

I absolutely agree with you that I am responsible for every action, thought, feeling, anything I said or did to anyone, everything from day one. You could argue about how responsible a baby or a small child is for what happens to them, but I will take responsibility from day one. I am responsible for every drink and hit I took. For hurting my wife and child. I am responsible for my treatment and recovery and to get the help I need. Actually this is what AA totally teaches in spite of some misconceptions of it.

I chose, actually from working the steps, to look at it this way. I am not at fault or to blame for my depression, my alcoholism, my addiction, BUT I am totally responsible for them. To me there is a huge difference between fault and blame and responsibility. I was very shamed based and blamed myself for everything.....I am such a loser, I can't do anything right, f this and f that. I turned my anger inward. So I chose to take blame and fault totally out of the equation. I am not to blame, my wife is not to blame, my parents are not to blame, no one is to blame. It is just the way life is and this is the hand I was dealt. I am totally responsible to do something about it. There is a big sign in most AA rooms that says "I am Responsible." The steps are all about excepting responsibility and to quit blaming the world for your problems. You have to take responsibility for your resentments and get rid on them. You learn to look only at your part in things. You keep your side of the street clean. Where was I wrong? What do I need to change? Your part of it is none of my business. That is a big part of the philosophy.
I started a thread on it along time ago.
http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...nsibility.html

It is certainly a crutch no doubt about that. Lets say the guy who loses his job and his wife leaves him and he dives into the bottle and then one day says I am going to my church to get help, and he finds the help he needs to deal with his problems without drinking. Couldn't you in a sense say he was powerless to do anything about it on his own, he needed help. He admitted he couldn't do it alone and chose to seek help thus being empowered.

You will never convince me personally that I was not powerless over my alcoholism/addiction. It has nothing to do with blame or it being a cop out. It is a paradox. By admitting you are powerless you are empowered.
I chose to take blame and fault out of it and replace it with forgiveness and responsibility. That is what has worked for me.

I strongly disagree. For many many people it is just not true. I am one. It is just not that simple. Sure alcohol abuse and drug abuse are learned behaviours. For many they are genetically and biologically predisposed to those behaviours but environment has to play a role. For many people those behaviours get so biologically, psychologically, sociologically ingrained that they become powerless over them. They can't just simply choose to walk away. They need a tremendous amount of help and support.

You have posted quite a bit about you struggles with addiction. Let me ask you this. When you quit drinking for a year and a half did you substitute with something else? Did you end up going back to drinking or some other drug? Have you ever started drinking and had that overwhelming craving take over and just could not stop drinking until you passed out or the booze was gone? You say you blacked out and called your gf a ***** and that is what prompted you to quit, how many times have you had black outs? You say you can quit any time you want, absolutely. But can you without help?

I am not saying at all you are an alcoholic or an addict. I don't know. Maybe you can totally walk away from it without any trouble. Actually my dad did it and he was a hard core alcoholic for many years. It seems he did it totally under his own willpower. I don't know for sure because he doesn't really talk about how he did it. Maybe he prayed to the native american Great Spirit and Creator. He is more inclined to those beliefs. We definitely have indian blood.

I only ask because we have talked about it before and I don't mean to offend. I really wish I could have just walked away from it. there was no way.

I am very glad you are open to discussion and debate. I to think it is very healthy and we don't have to agree on everything.