Today I had to see a psych nurse because I take Ritalin. Before they could leave me for years without checking on me, just refill over the phone, benzos and all. But I guess where I live, Ritalin is the harshest grade there is. So a lot of checking. It feels weird since they didn't give a dang before if I lived or died.

Anyway, I went through the process of being weighed, had my pulse and blood pressure checked. Then I also have to do a drug screening. I have had one before, and they checked for "normal" drugs like things I have actually heard about. This screening list was a mile long and had things I googled that are used for heroin users to come off heroin and stuff. Big WTH. Still I understand they have to treat everyone the same.

When I did the first screening (which I of course passed since I don't do street drugs), my former nurse understood my total fear of peeing in front of people and had my testing changed to only blood work. This nurse wasn't as understanding. She thought it's totally natural to pee while people are watching. I told her I can't even pee if my friend talks to me through the door! She thought I made that one up...... But it is true! It took me AGES to even start to use public lavatories, it was a long process and I'm so totally not where I can pee in front of someone.

She said she will check my records and look at how they reasoned last time, and get back to me after the weekend to tell me if I get to do the blood stuff instead. Good gawd why not allow it right off? It's not like I can bring anyone elses blood....

But if she doesn't find a strong enough reason from last time, I will not get my meds. Simple as that.

I have many fears and quirks stemming from Asperger's and MANY times have I been withhold care because of my AS, because I could not do exactly like I was told. Like I hate to be touched and have to collect myself like one minute for it, and usually they don't even allow for it and tell me if I'm going to be oppositional they will cancel all the treatment. I missed out on so much care because of AS already. I wonder if they discriminate the same when it comes to people with blindness or cognitive challenges like "Hey read this and if you can't you don't get treatment"...

Screw this. Totally.