Today's been a day where I've been stuck in re-thinking the choices I've (or should I say my dad has, for me) made in life. One of the library staff said I'm talented and it'd be a waste of talent if I didn't pursue it. My dad encouraged me to study animal management believing art couldn't get me anywhere and I'd got an F in the subject in school. But the staff member told me the education system puts down raw talent and that Einstein had rubbish grades but he turned out to be a genius. I followed my dad's advice and it got me nowhere. The job centre ended up lobbing me in a college for out of work youths. A place where you're babied and if you have mental health issues you get your personal engagement adviser watching your every move, constantly checking up on you. I still remember the day I got into trouble just because I skipped lunch when I had stomach troubles. Today she phoned up the library to make sure I was attending every day. She can't even trust me to go to work experience! I moan and whinge about wanting to quit, but I never actually do because quitting won't make me feel happy. I'll still feel miserable even if I stayed in bed all day. So I get up and try to be useful. Though I'm really not that good at much. Maybe I would've been better off if I'd stood up for myself instead of being tricked into thinking my art is useless and I should give it up because it won't get me anywhere in life. I'm so deep in thought right now. It's all so confusing. What am I supposed to do in life? What is the reason for my existence? Or is it all meaningless because we all die eventually anyway?