I experience the same when I'm depressed. Something in me just shuts off for long periods of time and no matter what I do I can't bring it back. Like you mentioned, I get extremely phyisically exhausted too and my need to sleep is insatiable.

We're all glad you're with us and have decided to keep posting, as some have already expressed. I really don't want to say 'don't be di_____ted' because that would mean I'd be attempting to invalidate your feelings, which wouldn't be fair to you at all. I'm not saying you'll never experience pain again (how nice that would be...) since you know yourself. Instead I'll tell you the longer you stay, the greater chance that your feelings about not carrying out will change. I'm sure you'll have your times but for the most part you'll come to find what I'm and a few others have said.