Quote:
Originally Posted by PeeJay
My therapist works part time four days a week. She lives alone and is working past the age that she could have retired. So, I admire her work ethic.
What your T is doing would drive me NUTS. I'd be so jealous! And I'd think that she was too much of a softie at life to really ever "get" me.
I really have a problem with women who are taken care of financially and women who have the freedom to dabble in their careers.
I know that some of this problem comes from within me because I've never had anyone to get my back. I have to work to make money and in some ways, I gave up my dream career because it didn't pay enough to really have a middle class lifestyle. But I had friends who had wealthy parents who could do that career and still afford to go drinking on the weekend. Jealous much? Youbetcha!
Also, I resent women who feel entitled to be taken care of -- ones who were taken care of by mom and dad and then graduated to being taken care of by a husband. It bothers me about men, too, but the attitude appears more prevalent in women.
The other thing that bothers me about it is the double standard. A woman expects to be a stay at home mother, or pursues a feminine helping non-threatening two-days-a-week career, while expecting that someone else will provide for her and give her the freedom to take care of her family.
WHERE IS MY FREEDOM TO TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY!?
You're not alone FavoriteJeans. I got problems!!
Edited to add:
Yes, I would think she is spoiled. That thought would be mitigated if she could ADMIT to her privilege. It bothers me when people who don't "have" to work don't seem to see their own privilege. Nothing drives me up an EFFIN WALL like someone with a fat bank account telling me that I should slow down and smell the flowers. But when people are humbled and say, "I know that I have it good," then, I don't feel so much anger. Plus, I always smell the flowers anyway.
Can you two talk about this? If you get insight, let me know!
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Thanks for the validation! I appreciate it.
Ugh. I don't think I'm ever going to talk about this with her. I just don't feel like I can say "I feel like you're spoiled." I think it might be enough to vent here. I do feel like she knows she has a lot of privilege and my gut feeling is that this hasn't always been the case for her. I don't know what makes me think that but I don't get a "grew up rich" vibe from her. (Though who knows how finely tuned my grew-up-rich-ometer is...) We once talked about getting letters and calls from collection agencies and she seemed quite familiar with how that goes and how it feels.
I also don't know what she did (SAHM? Other career? A bit of both?) before becoming a T, I just know what year she graduated from her counselling program. Maybe I'll ask one day.
I'm tightly sandwiched at the moment between two generations who require a great deal of care. I don't know whether this is also her situation (again: don't think so) but I have a lot of regard for how incredibly hard unpaid "women's work" can be so I'm not begrudging anyone that. It's really the feeling that she's abandoning me to have more time for yoga or something that set me off.
Though she has never blown me off or cancelled on me or in any way shown a lack of commitment, I am experiencing this as a lack of commitment to me and furthermore as a lack of regard for how hard I find therapy to be. I think I worry she'll be even more tightly booked than she already is and have even less flexibility for my erratic work schedule... and that means she doesn't care about me. It's just one more way the asymmetry of our relationship manifests and as I much as I wish I didn't care about that asymmetry, I really do. It feels like she can walk away from me any old time. And for what? A fifth day of leisure? If the pull away from her practice were something I understood better or valued more (like tending to a sick parent, pursuing further training, working another job) I don't think it would sting nearly so much.