Big loving hugs to you jawz. I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. Having chronic pain myself, I know that it can make it even harder to think straight and to figure things out. It's also hard to be nice to others when they just can't understand.

Have you looked into social security disability? Or possible some state aid to atleast help with your medical expense until this is all straightened out?

Try to not be so hard on yourself, you didn't ask for this to happen to you. It will all work out.

Hugs and Prayers,
Annabelle