I'm feeling terrible. I have binged tonight just stupid. Why? I've been pretty good all week (restricting) but still taking laxatives. Now I've just messed up totally. I hate this cycle. I just can't control myself. I feel so disgusting and fat. I am fat. No-one has any idea what I do to myself. I wish I could look different. I hate my body so much and feel guilty for that. My head is a mess. Why'd I do this.