All of this publicity about sexual assault on college campuses has me a lot in my thoughts and I'm really needing to vent.

All the adds, the fb support, President Obama's PSA.... it drives me insane. In the PSA celebrity men talk about consent and say something to the effect of "we can stop sexual assault" and it makes me want to scream. Sexual assault will never stop -- not the way it happened to me. I was abused by my own biological father countless times between the ages of 10 and 16 and then a couple times when I was 17. After going to college I'd get messages from him like "Next time I hit it make sure I never let you go" and I live my home life in fear. I told my mother when I was 11, and long story short, my mother stayed with my father and obviously allowed everything to continue happening. I also get mad about all of this publicity for drunk college girls getting raped because I don't understand how their pain could even come close to mine. I know it sounds insensitive, but hear me out. My whole childhood was spent being sexually abused by my own father - someone who was supposed to love and protect me. I worshipped him as a child. I still have an attachment to him as I've been forced to live with him my whole life even after begging my mother to leave him. So many articles are put out about "Girl didn't know she was raped" and other things about drunk college girls being assaulted and I don't understand. What's being done for people that live with the kind of pain that I live with? Who is going to stop men like my father -- men who seem perfect to everyone except for the daughters that they hurt? How is anyone going to bring a stop to mothers who care more about having the appearance of a happy family than the wellbeing of their children? It makes me upset that so many people, so much energy is rallying around this as if telling men that no means no will solve the problem. I wish that someone would really truly understand the pain that I feel every day, the thought that my father might someday be expected to walk me down the aisle if I can even find someone to want marry me after I've covered my body in scars because I couldn't figure out how to deal with my feelings. I wish my therapist wouldn't say "You're dealing with this a lot better than a lot of people I see, so we don't need to talk about it as much" I wish my friends wouldn't have to tell me "Oh, you come from a good family," or "You're so lucky your parents are still together," I wish I didn't have to sit through sex abuse videos in class about how you should tell your parents if it happens. How am I supposed to really tell people about what happened to me as long as my father is still alive? I had so many more, meaningful things to say earlier when I thought about this but now all of the thoughts have escaped me. I don't mean to belittle the experiences of others, I really don't. Rape is horrible no matter what, but I feel like those of us that have experienced it over and over and over live a different experience. Violent rapes, I understand, can be traumatic, but I've also had unwanted sexual encounters with guys my age and while those experiences were upsetting, nothing compares to the pain of the betrayal of my parents. I am constantly on guard and expect the worst from everyone.

This post sounds very woe-is-me, which is not how I had imagined it earlier today when I realized that I really needed to talk about it. I know that millions of other people have stories like mine, but I just feel so upset about all that's happening right now, and I'm having a hard time making sense of all of the thoughts and feelings