I don't really know how not to hide, how to not wear my mask in public....
I think because I learned to do it at such a young age that it's become part of my "make-up" to appear appropriate. I don't ponder on it, I just do it.
Like breathing....

Lol, maybe that's why I don't wear actual make-up.

Funny, my T asked me last week if I've ever thought of not appearing so well put together. I told him I've never really thought of it as an actual option.

On the other hand...

Wearing a mask 24/7 does get tiring, it's weighed me down, brought forth road blocks of it's own (no support) and made me feel like a biga.s.s fake in the past.

So with that in mind, I have been trying these past 2 years to be more authentic atleast in my personal/private life.

I've not quite got it right, but it is getting easier to say "I'm having a really shytti time and I need a hug / need to be left alone for a while"...

With my pdoc or therapist, I could be sitting there laughing and cracking jokes, but I'm sure to add;

"You do know that humour is a coping mechanism and I'm really fukcing depressed right now... right?"

I understand the need for composure (I'm a control freak) and I understand the difficulty in changing this behaviour, but if there's one point I'd like to make:

Nobody can offer you effective help if you're not honest with them. Not doctors, not therapists and sure as hell not friends / family.

So if you'd like adequate care, please find a way to be honest with your care providers, even if it means printing out this post and showing it to them at you next appointment.

Ok I kinda rambled, sorry, haven't really "spoken" to anyone in 4 days.