Hello everyone. I am usually not one to reach out and ask for help or advice, but I'll be honest, I think I need it right now because I think I may have Bi-polar. I'm going to open up here so bare with me. I never noticed symptoms before now and that is mainly due in part of the household I grew up in, where if you were mental you were weak. But now that I look back at it it makes sense.

When I was 16 years old I started to cut, very randomly or from triggers. My parents would get in some very bad fights and I would get depressed and almost manic about it, I'd feel like it was all my fault or something and I'd cut, I still have several scars on my arms because of it. It would lead me into a state of depression that I felt I couldn't kick. I'd lay in bed all day and just stare at the wall or something equally lethargic, and this would go on for weeks. It would subside and I would usually kick into a heightened mood. I'd be very confident, on top of the world almost, I would go partying, drink alcohol at these parties far too much and usually end up trying to have sex with some one new. It usually led to me getting in trouble, losing real relationships because of sexual activity and dis loyalty. I suppose I had never really thought however at these 'high' points in my life could be problems until I looked back at it. I would spend more money and want sex much more, but at the same time I had so much energy! It would be hard for me to sleep at night and I'd be insanely creative.

Then a depressive state would get triggered, and this happened last year. I went through a rough break-up and I was bed ridden for weeks, I stopped attending my classes, I was very suicidal and I wanted nothing to do with life, I felt like nothing and I felt like ending it all would be the only way to move on. I even remember having the shotgun in my hands, and if not for a very close friend I would've done it. I recovered, had a very productive summer and winter too (sometimes experiencing these highs and over-confidence) and now I am back in a state of depression, but what's weird about it is that I am not not tired or lethargic (well some times). I am going through a very rough time and I am obsessing about problems in my life, all the time, this has been going on for a week and a half and I am scared, I've thought about suicide again. I can't sleep I feel hopeless and so worthless. I have an appointment with a therapist (first time ever) on Monday and my symptoms are getting worse, I can't stop thinking about my problems, I can't focus, it's destroying my days, one after the other. Am I over-reacting? Is this bi-polar? What can I do?

I just need help please.

I am a twenty-three year old male.