You're only obligated to look after your mother because you decide you are.

If you let her run your life and decide where you live and work, that's a decision only YOU will have to live with. Nobody else.

She's a growna.s.s woman whom you don't need to be sacrificing yourself for, you are choosing to not break this cycle of putting her first, choosing to once again be her parent, instead of looking out for and after yourself.

How long before you resent her for the choices you feel she "forced" you to make?
How long before you look back on missed opportunities and can't stand her?
How long before you can't stand the sight of her?

I know what it's like to want to be taken care of, I know what it's like to own responsibility when it was never even mine to begin with... and my mother didn't even "force" me, or need me to parent her, it's just how things ended up after some turn of events. So I know walking away from this situation is in no way easy.

What happens when you give her an ultimatum?

Eg; We're moving to such and such a location because I've found gainful employment there, etc.

I'm thinking, if she really wants you to be mothering her, she'll follow you to the new location, no matter how much of a tantrum she throws...