[QUOTE=JaneC;3728722]Right now, I am just done with being vulnerable. I think that my vulnerability bank is in the red, I have been too hurt whenever I was vulnerable with someone close........I just struggle so hard with it now.

Lol to someone chasing me and proving they deserve it. That thought has never entered my mind!QUOTE]

Yeah.. it's definitely about knowing who to trust with our vulnerable self. And even what parts of ourselves are safe with which person. Once a person has earned our trust, then never forget that they can also 'unearn' it.

I'll never forget my therapist, early in therapy, acknowledging that my trust had been grossly betrayed repeatedly throughout my life. And rather than her telling me I needed to trust her and let my guard down in order for her to help me, she discouraged me from trusting her. She would say "I don't want you to trust me until I've proven I'm worthy of your trust." She told me that in time, I probably would. And along the way, she would tell me when things took place that she thought was my way of 'testing' her. Over time, I did end up in a place where I felt totally trusting of her. But she still tells me that I should never put all my keys in someone else's pocket. She said I should keep them with me, and give a key to someone that has earned my trust, but then take it back when I leave that moment. and if the next time I meet with that person they still deserve my trust, then I can let them 'borrow' my key again for that new moment. Does that make sense?