Here is a little about me. I started drinking when I was 14, by the time I was 21 I had been drinking way to much and went to Rehab. 23 I went to rehab where they kept me for a year For drugs and alcohol. I met this woman after a 3rd short rehab program. When I first met her she had everything all covered up, she smoked a little bit of weed here and there... Fast forward a year and a half later, she revealed her full blown alcoholic habits, started drinking a fifth of tequila a day and started doing drugs.

I relapsed with her, I got clean, she didn't didn't get clean, she ended up going down hill cheating on me with drug dealers, saying she is at the bar when she is really at a drug dealers house, saying she is at the store when she is at the bar, etc. Next month we are supposed to get married. She got caught with drugs. The date of our honey moon she is scheduled for court now.

I told her last week (we were supposed to get married next month and we were trying to have a baby) that if she wants to have what we have and rescue our relationship she needs to turn her life around NOW, cut this out right now, and if she wants to do so, call me at 10:00pm... 10:00pm came and she called me but, I can't forgive and forget for her cheating or being so disrespectful to me, herself and our plans and to our soon to be marriage. I didn't answer the phone and told myself I will never talk to her again.

Tomorrow will be one week since then I and I miss her so much. I feel like I am dying inside. I just want to give her a hug. I want to tell her I love her no matter what. I do love her and I always will... Is how I feel and I want her so bad....

But I feel like she will never change and I know that the reasons for me leaving will only get worse...

I can't call her and just say hi because then that will lead to me talking to her more, and more and more, and she will still be talking to this other guy, she will still be letting us both have sex her and I dont want that relationship with my wife.

I feel like crap bc this behavior turned all at once, it was like she pulled a trigger on a gun. She was such a wonderful woman and then *Boom* it was like pulling a trigger on a gun, all of this happened all in a day.

I don't know. I want the satisfaction of just hearing her voice, but I think it's best I leave and never talk to her again.

I blocked her number, text, email and FB.

Also, I know this behavior and thought process of mine is wrong and sick, I was wondering if this relationship and wanting her back (toxic) has to do with addiction? I know my relationship with substances was very toxic and I used to miss that.. too.

What do you think about me missing my ex and wanting to talk to her and hear her voice?
What do you think about us lasting together (She is bi-polar and I had read BP has a 90% success rate)
and if it is unhealthy that I want to go back, is wanting to go back to unhealthy relationships part of addiction?