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Old Aug 02, 2004, 02:59 AM
hamstergirl hamstergirl is offline
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Member Since: Apr 2004
Location: The deepest darkest prison (life without parole)
Posts: 234
The worst statements I got from him are the ones on self-pity. That was what my mother was always taunting me for.
It's also funny that he said that I only talked about myself...that's EASY when you are alone for 22 hours a day and are scared to go out because you're scared of meeting creeps like Richard.
My desire to isolate is much, much worse now. I sit awake at 2 in the morning and I don't want my attendant to come in the morning. I'm actually awake over this.
Father Lindsay is going to talk to Richard, but I'm terrified that it's just going to make matters a lot worse. He's gonna make my life a living *&^%. I'm going to have to go underground over this, for the rest of my life.
I'm never going to be able to lead a normal life, I know that but Doug doesn't know that and neither does Father Lindsay. I have to stay in hiding permanently to protect myself. What's worse, I can never let on to Doug just how badly I am hurting, because he will chalk it up to self-pity. I'm going to have to spend the rest of my life sending him jokes and Bible verses, because there's no way I can think positive. He's even accused me of not wanting to get better.

I want to get better. I'm sick of feeling miserable and exhausted. I want out of this deep dark pit. But I don't know HOW to get out. I'm feeling trapped in this whole mess. I HATE feeling like this for day after day.

I don't want to go on living like this. But I have to protect myself.

There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.
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There is a thing more crippling than cerebral palsy: the prison of your own mind.