Hang in there. I want to die sometimes too. Don't die! You will not go to a heavenly place, it will be a complete lack of consciousness which is worse that being alive and feeling SOMETHING.

Take cares and hugs to you. There are a lot of people here who feel like you so try to take some comfort in that if you can... many of the people here are in kind of a brotherhood/sisterhood of kind of wanting to die but managing to stay alive just for the hell of it