I think that it's important to not get wrapped up in a shaming conversation- sexually active versus not sexually active or that a certain degree of sexually active is "normal" versus a different degree is "not normal" in this discussion.

Pretty much if you are comfortable with where you are at, at you are not harming others or yourself, that is really the normality that should be sought.

The bigger issue here is that the OP expresses what seems to be discomfort and possibly even distress at what could be actually normal thoughts and responses for some people, and depending on how they handle it, they may be getting in the way of forming and keeping stable relationships.

The issue then, is to figure out how to respond to ones own thoughts, and figure out if they are really an issue for yourself, OP.

Do you think you really need to change them?
Do you think that you could find women who are in agreement that you should wait to have sex until...?

Have you even figured that out for yourself?
You may be confused about what exactly you do want in a relationship in terms of intimacy, both physically and emotionally and exactly how those two things interact. If that isn't figured out just yet, the confusion could make things a bit difficult.

I would try to be a bit easier on yourself, you may just need to do some thinking on this.
It's ok to not have it figured out yet, and it's ok to change your mind. It's ok to have specific preferences, to not "go with the flow".

What is really important is that you are ok with you, you have the ability to form a stable relationship if you choose, and you aren't harming yourself or anyone else.

If you can't settle this out for yourself, I woud urge you to seek some assistance in the form of counseling, but maybe you aren't seeking a relationship because you don't have it figured out yet, and you aren't ready for that kind of thing.

If it's not what you want just now, it's not a huge deal.

if it IS what you want, and it causes turmoil and anxiety and is a great source of distress in your life, however, you should seek assistance regarding that.

Just don't bend to the idea that you are not "normal" if you are relatively functional and happy and doing ok at life in general,take a wide view of things.