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Originally Posted by gon3withth3wend
All It makes me upset that so many people, so much energy is rallying around this as if telling men that no means no will solve the problem.
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Yes, very much so. I told the babysitter abusing me no, and his response was to laugh and do it anyway. I told my older sister no, and her response was to do it anyway.
Telling the person "No" is not going to suddenly stop what they're doing, and society pointing out that "No means no" isn't going to convince them. The person already knew what they were doing was wrong. That's why they didn't do it in plain sight of everyone. They tried to hide it because they didn't want to be caught.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chartres
Incest, on the other hand, is typically seen as a family matter, one that is usually denied altogether. Victims have no campus police to report it to, no peer counselling, no "take back the night" rallies. And yes, you are right about the whole betrayal aspect - I do think this is different between your "average" campus rape and repeated childhood incest. Again, not to diminish the impact of campus rape - but incest has its own special layer of trauma.
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I would very much agree as well. There is a different kind of shame that accompanies it when it's a relative because incest itself is viewed
very negatively by society.
I can talk about the sexual abuse I suffered from a babysitter and people respond with support, and they seem repulsed at the abuser for doing what he did.
Yet if I talk about the abuse and rape I suffered from my older sister, it feels like people respond with
less support, and that the support is accompanied by a degree of revulsion. But unlike with my babysitter where the revulsion is directed at him, the revulsion in the abuse from my sister is directed at the situation itself. Meaning it feels like what they're repulsed at includes me, since I was a part of that situation.
It makes it very different to deal with on a personal level because it feels like you shouldn't ever bring it up. Part of overcoming sexual abuse is becoming able to talk about it and accept it happened. It stops being a burning secret you kept deep inside. You can't really do that when it's a close relative because of how it feels like people respond. It remains a burning secret that you feel like you have to hide. How do you move on when you can never bring something out to be rid of it?
I don't even like using the word "incest", because to me the word feels like it implies some level of consensual participation. It refers to something that involves at least two people, but unlike "abuse", the word doesn't carry a connotation for there being a victim and perpetrator.