Yes. It is actually very common but you wouldn't think so. We all think things will get well and wonderful in our relationship because we got sober. Wrong. The dynamics all change. At least that is how it happened to me.

My wife was going to Nar Anon (same as Alanon) for a long time when I was using and that was great. As soon as I got sober she quit going. I was all fixed so what was the point. I tried to get her to go to Alanon but she wouldn't have it. There was nothing she needed to work on, I was the problem in her view.

And she did get very jealous of AA and all the friends I was making and how excited I was about it. She felt totally left out. I wanted to share it with her and she didn't want to hear it. Plus she knew there were probably cute girls and the meetings and my mind was wandering.

We were together for 10 years and married for five. We had a three year old daughter when I got sober. A little over a year I decided to leave the marriage. There are a whole bunch of reasons and I am glad to elaborate if you want me to. The hardest thing I ever did was walk away from the three year old little daughter sitting in the living room knowing things would never be the same for her. We did go to marriage counseling for a long time.

For us with dual diagnosis it makes everything that much harder. My depression actually got much worse after I came off the pink cloud and had a couple of years sober. The self medicating actually worked for some time. Not in the long run though. It made things much much worse that last five years. I obviously don't recommend going back to that but my depression has been a huge struggle all the years I have been sober.

And then you say your husband is a functional alcoholic. If that is true chances are things are going to get worse for him. To us men functional alcoholic just means we show up to work everyday and pay the bills. It doesn't mean we are good husbands or fathers. I wasn't. I was "functional" for many years. But not at all a good husband and father. It wasn't until I started getting fired from jobs that I hit a bottom. All my self worth was tied up in my job. I was taught by my Dad that my job was to work and provide for my family and it ended there. Being emotionally available for my wife and daughter and all of that didn't way into it. As long as I provided I could do whatever I wanted with my time.....or so I thought. AA taught me much differently. I have been there for my daughter to the best of my ability but the depression got in the way a lot. My ex wife and I are really good friends and help each other out when needed. so it turned out good in the end.

I am happy to elaborate on how all the dynamics changed and how it ended if you want.

There is the chapter in the book called the "family afterword". I can't really remember how helpful it might be to your situation.