So I guess I overloaded my brain a little bit. As some of you know, I decided to quit smoking a few weeks ago. Which I'm still not smoking, and I have taken myself off of any nicotine replacement products. Yay me!

About a week and a half after quitting smoking, I decided to talk to my pdoc about coming off of my Abilify. It's really expensive and I've heard it can cause anxiety, which I have a problem with anyway, so I figured if I could handle coming off of it, it would be for the best.

Note to self, I NEED my Abilify. I was supposed to take half of it for a couple weeks, then come all the way off it if, but instead I decided to just come off of it. Big Mistake. I think that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

On top of all the stress that I've had lately anyway, plus quitting smoking, stopping my Abilify plunged me into depression.

It seems that circumstances are only making it worse. I went into our local hospital on Wednesday for an intake evaluation for their partial hospitalization program. I was told that since I have a pdoc and a T, I was supposed to "use the resources I have". And that I didn't need their OUTPATIENT program because I was not "that" suicidal.

So Thursday I drove almost an hour to a private hospital for an intake, and they said I border on being 'qualified' for their inpatient program, let alone their partial hospitalization program. So Friday I started that. Which they said that I'll probably be in there at least three weeks, based on my symptoms. So that's an hour there and back Monday through Friday.

Being in the program, and being in my state of mind, I haven't gone to work all week, and probably won't go to work for the duration of the program. The downfall to that is having to start a short term disability claim. I won't know if that gets approved or not for a few weeks. That means that I won't get paid for at least 2 or 3 weeks, and it could also mean I don't have a job in 2 or 3 weeks. I'm stressing majorly about the work scenario.

My wife thinks I should really consider going inpatient. We were talking yesterday and she said that she can't really help me. She flat out said that I can try to explain depression to her all I want but she doesn't understand why I can't just "think happy thoughts". She also said she thinks me getting away from all the stress in real life would help me get better faster.

I just don't know what to do. I mean, going inpatient sort of scares me. I don't know how much I like the idea of being "locked up". At the same time, getting away from everything for a little while could be beneficial. Does anyone have any advice? Sorry this is so long, I just wanted to fill everyone in a bit. Any advice or insight would be appreciated.