Hello! Well I just got back from individual therapy. That actually went well and I talked about how I'd felt hostile etc. last night in group. Therapy always throws me for a loop. He doesn't ask me why I feel hostile (which is what I expect), but rather, why it's not okay for me to feel hostile. And I'm left going WHAT? Apparently I discount all my own feelings as being inappropriate, invalid, generally bad, etc. He might be right. But we talked about group, and I complained that I didn't know how to participate. But I don't even know if I want help.

And yeah I think I was annoyed by all the history talk. I'm not part of that.

But dang, yeah I could talk right now. But who knows what next Monday will bring. I talked about how I couldn't control what mood I was in, and then he talked about how moods come out of something else, etc. etc. And I did figure out why I was in such a bad mood. Or maybe the connection isn't there I don't know. They're probably related though.

Damn damn damn. Wish I could go to therapy about every 3 days. I'm so in the mood to get back in. Wonder what next Monday will bring though.

I'm trying to look forward to Friday happy hour, but really I'm looking more forward to trying again in therapy. In spite of the hostility etc. And the fact that I think about quitting group about half the time. I won't though. 'Cause I know I want to go back.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm just using therapy to distract myself from the real world.

Blah!

Sidony