i just read your post and want to offer you a warm welcome to the forums.....it took alot of courage to tell your story and my heart breaks for your sadness.......i don't mean to simplify this as it is certainly a most complicated situation but sometimes perhaps it is best not to question God's way......He will give you the strength to get through this and uncover the answers that your heart needs......if you ever need a shoulder.....i'm here for you.......