Hey everyone!!

First post n its a bit depressing im sorry in advance lol!!

Met this girl about 16 months ago n everything was mint, we hit it off amazingly n spent months together, after 4 months we decided to try for a kid, i know it sounds crazy but it felt right.We were also looking for houses as we both had our own homes but they were way too small for both of us.I was a chronic cannabis smoker of 9 years, but i decided to give it up to save money for the house n kid.Big mistake.Never looked into withdrawals and they hit me big time, anxiety, paranioa, sweats, insomnia.I was literally going mad.I worked thru it for 3 months and still attended work.I never seen a doctor in this time but it got to a point 3 months down the line where i had to, he said it was typical and gave me beta-blockers and zoloft to try ease the symptoms and signed me off work for 4 weeks (big mistake).It just gave me more time to feed my anxiety sitting about doing nothing and i kept getting worse and worse.After countless visits to the doctors and different meds nothing worked and i kept getting worse.He keeps signing me off work and trying new meds but nothing was working.It was definitely straining our relationship, me sitting about riddled with anxiety while she was working.I was getting paid n my work were understanding at the start.3 months went passed on the sick and i made an appointment at the local mental health unit.I was scared id went into psychosis or something crazy like that, i turned into a total hypocondriac.They assured me i was fine n it was just a phase, this was in August last year.Every time i was mean to go back to work i just freaked out and couldnt go, i ended up losing my job over it in september.We had just moved into a house together and that was the last straw for her.Tearfully she said i had to get sorted and i went to my fathers house.I was devastated.I went to the doc and told him id lost my job and he then put me on citalopram.All these meds n i kept getting worse.2 weeks later she broke up with me, i didnt take it well.Id gave up my own home, lost my job n now lost her all because of trying to better our lifes.We kept in contact and in december i started feeling alot better, i was working with her dad doing casual work n i definitely noticed a difference and so did she.On new years eve she said she still loved me but i had too get a full time job n sort myself out.Understandble i know but i was sleeping on my Mums couch, it was killing me.After new year she became distant and we hardly seen each other at all.I knew something was going on.At the beginning of march she called me n told me she was going to milan and had something to tell me, she met someone else and she was pregnant with his kid.I couldnt deal with it.I went straight to the doctors and told him i cant do it anymore, now i was on valium.3 weeks later she told me she was engaged n i just broke down.I honestly think iv had some sort of breakdown.All my symptoms from the start have came back, im riddled with anxiety, i cant think straight anymore n im depressed as ****.Iv got an appointment on the 15th with the mental health unit and im considering going into hospital.Has anyone had any experiences with them?? Im scared but i wish i done it sooner tbh.I just cant go on like this n im scared im like this for life.Im totally agrophobic, lost all my mates because i tried to keep away from the drug game.Shes moved on with her life n im trying to put mine back together.Shes the biggest mistake in my life without a doubt, i just dont know how someone can do this to someone.I might sound bitter but no wonder.She spent time in a hospital for self-harming and depression as a teenager, i told her id get through this for us.But she gave up.N ive gave up.Everyone says at least youve kicked the habit but im not even 30% of who i used too be.

Has anyone overcame something like this?? All i think about is what i could have done.I feel helpless man n its killing me.

Sorry for the rant just looking for some advice and opinions