Thanks for the replies.To the first post, my work knew the situation regarding what i was going through, they stuck by me for 3 months but it got to a point where they couldnt go on waiting anymore, i was full time and well regarded in the place, they never usually stick by people as they can get someone in thats capable of doing my job.I just couldnt bring myself too go back, the anxiety was crippling me.I wish i never got signed off because i worked through the first 3 months and definitely seen an improvement but the doctor said i needed 4 weeks off to get used too the medication, which didnt work and just gave me more time to fuel my anxiety.I am in no position too work right now, im still crippled by anxiety and iv basically totally broke down, im currently fighting off panic attacks, depersonalisation and everything that goes with it.Im scared iv went into psychosis or some other type of disorder.Hence the appointment on the 15th.

Second poster, i totally agree.At the time it felt right, i did know this girl from school as we dated then but one drunken night i texted her and we arranged too meet.It just felt right and i cant believe i never looked into withdrawals etc.I grew, sold n smoked weed for 9 years constant, and since i worked there wasnt one night i didnt go without smoking, that was about 2 years solid.Tbh i ended up worse off financially because i did sell cannabis but i got too a point in my life, 26 years old, i didnt want too be a dealer/stoner anymore.Id met a girl who i wanted to spend the rest of my life with, i know now it was stupid too stop.I miss it but i know for a fact i cant smoke it again, cos when we split i did try again and thats an experience i never want to go through again,i totally freaked out and it took me days too recover.I definitely agree on your marriage part, tbh i just think she wanted a kid and a ring on her finger, because although she did stick by me for the first couple of months, she just kept saying everythings been about me n im selfish.****, my life was falling apart in front of me, id just lost my job which i loved, i gave up my own home too move into a home with her, which took me years too get.I just thought if your willing to make a commitment to someone regarding having a kid, then surely youd stick by them when the going gets tough, i kno for a fact if she went through what i went through i would have stuck by her 110%, but thats just me.Her friends definitely had an influence on her decision, they said I was taking the "piss" out her.She kept bringing this up.When she phoned and told me she was pregnant with this other dude she said if she knew how bad it was things could have been different lol i think that was just her guilty concience kicking in.She knew how bad i was struggling, i was at the doctor every second week, i broke down at one point n told her i needed to go into hospital.I made an appointment with the localy health centre and they said it would pass which gave me a slight boost.But once i lost my job that was it for her, I was out.Jobless, homeless, alienated my mates too get away from the drug scene.I definitely did get somehwere at xmas but she said she loved me but wanted to be single because of everything i put her through lol.This coming from the girl whos still got everything she started with and the home we moved into while im sleeping on my mums couch at 26.

What else can i say, shes ruined me without a doubt, if i was still working and still felt the same I did when i was smoking id be laughing at her n realising she just wanted one thing, a stable relationship, a ring and a kid.But when you wake up every morning with nothing to get up for, crippled with anxiety n depression, lost everything your worked 4 years too get, the feelings a bit different.

If i could go back, i wouldnt have got involved in the first place but thats just natural.

People say your learn from your mistakes, n she was certainly one.

If i get back to stability and get through this, itll be the biggest thing ive ever done.

Right now it doesnt look like it though, hence the appointment.

Thanks again.