Quote:
Originally Posted by sph123
Like many people on here, I have been struggling with anxiety & depression for years. It started in my late teens and I have been hospitalized and gone through out-patient treatment programs. I have been seeing a therapist since I was first diagnosed, but I feel like it really hasn't helped. I have been on medication for about 7 years, which I think has helped.
At 37 I feel like life has just passed me by. I just watch life from the sidelines. No one in my life seems to understand how miserable I am since I seem to be fairly high-functioning at the moment. I get up every day and go to my job.
My personal life is almost non-existent. I don't have a strong support system. Most of my friends are married, have families, and have their own issues. My own family just makes my depression worse. And I haven't had a solid relationship in about 7 years.
People tell me to go out and do stuff, but I just can't muster up the interest. I just want to stay in my hole. I hate socializing and find it exhausting. I'm trapped in my own head; ruminating about everything.
All I ever wanted is my own family and now I see that it is probably not going to happen. I don't even know what I am trying to say. I am just so sad and lonely all the time and it's so painful.
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I'm a bit older than you, and I relate to your last paragraph, a family of my own would have been the world to me. It didn't happen, I'm 49 so it really is too late for me. When I was about your age I thought it would destroy me not having a family but I have come to realise that it would have been so unfair of me to risk passing on my depression (either through genetics, unstable home life or a combination of the two). I wouldn't wish depression on my worst enemy so I would never forgive myself if I passed it on to a child. (Those are simply my feelings about me and I don't mean my comments to pass judgement on your hopes and wishes).
Despite my better insight into why I have not fulfilled my desire to have a family, I still feel empty and lonely, the pain is intense. You may be lonely but you are not alone.
The only advice I have is to try and live a little more in the real world and a little less in your head. I know how hard it is to do that and I really don't know where to begin doing that for myself.
