Hi Zinco. First off thank you so much for your reply. I appreciate you. Wow! You guys actually had a better shot Imo because your wife actually tried Alalnon and you all have a child. I'm thinking you're younger than us, but we can pm on that. I often think yeah my husband is really helping me now in a financial way but he's never here when he's drinking. I imagine he feels that I judge him, but after alanon I quit making remarks re drinking and . cigarettes. What I don't want to become is his full time nurse. He's 54 and has been smoking since he was 13 and drinking about the same. He kills me because to him he's not drinking hard liquor so it doesn't count. This is how I feel I can label him - in 98 degree weather and hotter he will stand in the freaking garage to smoke cuffs and drink out of his boxes of red wine. That's so disgusting, hot red wine out of his nasty glass with gnats. I mean who does that but an alkie? I get scared too because I can no longer tell when he is sober ,buzzed or hammered. I usually get the hammered when he's lying on the floor. What really scares me is I have a friend in AA who was just like that. She would call me in blackouts and sound completely sober. Well, she just got out of a string of rehabs and found out she has the beginnings of wet brain. I know we're not supposed to live in the future, but I just see myself laboring for years over this condition. When I was in rehab they said a woman around 60yrs was admitted and she just sat in a corner in her diaper. She ended up in the state psych ward. My husband laughs at these stories and thinks stupid brainwashed members. And as I'm going thru the hardest dawn chapter in my life - I have to walk on eggshells around him. Yet, I may be signing up to spend my golden years with a person who has. Copd, a hole in his trachea, or full on wet brain which is akin to a frontal lobotomy.

I'm really glad for you that you're strong enough to stay sober and be a good example for your daughter. Dual diagnoses socks. I always cringe at mugs when they say a person is crazy and when they talk about how we're not unique individuals and find the similarities. Because member xyz who has done the steps 6 times and is a sponsor has the same amount of time as I have. I know it's not a competition but damn it is not the same for people who have been self meditating mental illnesses.

Thanks so much again for sharing your story. I'll definitely be in touch.

Tnt

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