I used to be in shoes that resemble yours, I used to feel cursed with hope, senseless hope.

Because essentially that was a huge part of what kept me "stuck" in a horrid relationship that ended up becoming abusive.

I had hoped that he would go back to being the guy I fell inlove with. I had hoped that he just needed some time to mature, and that he would become a good father. I had even hoped he would kick his drug habit and that would mean treating me better.

All that hope for a hopeless case

Guess what was my epiphany?

I was fuming after yet another break-up, swearing I wouldn't go back, (because he'd actually beat me up this time) infact I was praying, practically screaming at God to keep me away from that man because I didn't understand why I kept going back, and I didn't want to subject my daughter to a life with him.

And as clear as if someone spoke the words, the thought "Don't fix it if ain't broke" ran through my mind.

And I was like whaaa? What does that even mean?

And then it dawned on me, he was never gonna change, never gonna improve, never gonna treat me better... He had nothing to "fix" because he never believed that anything "broke"...

So me hoping was infact useless.

Silly huh?

But that's the thought process that set me free, 5 years later he's still a junkie, still a deadbeat "dad" and apparantly beating and berating some other poor woman.

There's nothing wrong with you, he's the problem. But I do suggest you try to identify what exactly keeps you going back, because I'm sure it will be your ticket to freedom too.
I wish you only the best