Was just hit with a massive wave of what felt like depression, it felt so horrible all I could think was 'make it stop' had somewhat suicidal thoughts and then just got very anxious..or more like deathly afraid and felt like I was reliving that stupid traumatic incident but kept trying not to be sucked into it. So I was curled up on my bad like an insane person just telling myself 'you're here, you're here, you're not there but couldn't move and felt trapped...after all its not just fight or flight it seems like there is mental paralysis mode to

Still anxious and feeling very hypervigalent like there could be a threat around any corner and detatched I know its in my head and its not real but its how I feel hopefully it will pass. Damn do I hate this so much torment from my own mind.

Honestly don't even know if I would be able to actually talk IRL at this point haven't tried so hopefully no one asks me any questions...to focused on debating whether Its safe to go outside and have a cigarette which objectively I am sure it is but I have a strong urge to just hide in my room.