You're most welcome

What has worked very well for me, is the washing machine tip above.

See friends and partners stumble and bumble in the dark, and in so doing can at times cause more harm than good.

So with my bf and bff I actually said, I don't need pep talks and solutions from people trying to wrack their brains to find a semblence of understanding.

For now comfort is enough.

So they end up mostly just holding me and reassuring me that I'm not alone while I spill my guts, and so far?
Its really better than nothing.

I do hope you feel better soon, maybe you and hubby can decide on a code word?
A word that will communicate without much if any feeling talk that you're struggling...

Sort of like a safe word but without the bondage and sex and stuff..

I'm thinking if you say, or text him this word, that he has to acknowledge that you're not doing well despite still functioning and that he has to step up before you get to non- functioning.

I suggested a safe word for bf, to protect his emotional and mental safety, and thus that of our relationship. If I start sounding like I'm leaning toward an irrational BPD *****fit he uses his safe word. Its purpose is to make me step back, breath and think before I proceed. Sometimes I even choose to consult a 3rd party just to be sure

So far so good, its not full proof, but we've managed to avert a few pending whoppers.