Beacher,

I really relate to your confusion.

My marriage has always been so conflicted... I can't look back to a romantic "good" time. It sounds like it is similar for you, so it's hard to know what you are hanging in there for... if it's never been great. You know what I mean?

That said... it sounds like your family and friends are really bringing you down. They may feel your spouse is wrong for you, but I think you'd be better off if they concentrated on building you up and supporting you, vs telling you that you have and are making mistakes and "settling".

I don't really think one person settles for another. We hook up with people because of needs and commonalities at a certain point. Whether the relationship lasts is based on whether we are open to changes in both our and their needs and interests and expectations.

There's a book a t rec'd to me called "The Angry Marriage" Maybe you could look at it. There is another called "Should I Leave" which is a sort of philosophical, in depth look at why people make the decision to leave. It's not a checklist sort of thing, more of an exploration of why you might or might not leave a relationship.

I encourage you to be honest and upfront with the counsellor. And try to give the process a little time to work itself out.

good luck M