I've been feeling terrible lately and I suppose this is an explanation / apology / plea for pocket riders, lol.

I've had some understandably stressful life changes lately and have realized I NEED to make some major changes to my life overall in order to be fully happy and functioning at my best.

For many years I've tried various meds to help with pessimism, situational anxiety, social phobias, negativity and such, but honestly I am infinitely happier OFF of them and just getting some targeted counseling. In spite of this, I recently decided to try a mood enhancing herbal supplement called St John's Wort, which I did a LOT of research on beforehand.

I was surprised that it did seem to quickly boost my mood, optimism and feelings of "aliveness" to a degree, but then it started working strangely (like EVERY other med inevitably does for me!!!). I began feeling like I was on an excessive dose of a stimulant and a sedative at the same time. This has never happened before, on or off any medication.

As I was on a very low dose, I just stopped taking the supplement. Since then, I rapidly descended into the absolute WORST depressive black hole I have EVER experienced. I am mindful enough to know that all the intensely negative thoughts and feelings I am struggling with right now are just slightly out of whack receptors in my nervous system plus my current existing stress (which is bad enough), but I wasn't expecting anything this severe!

I am beginning to feel marginally better, I just hope these horrible thoughts and feelings hurry up and leave asap. This is getting extremely hard to tolerate.

If you do try any meds or health supplements of any kind, I advise you to be VERY mindful of how you are responding to it, regardless of what anyone else reports their experiences to be. Everyone can respond in drastically different ways.