Thanks for your replies. After barely sleeping last night I just could not face the day so have stayed home, in bed. I finally got up though, so that is one good thing. Its only about 1pm her now....so plenty of day to get through.

My therapist couldn't see me today, he had no space. I asked him to let me know by email if he couldn't not phone, I could not bare him to hear my disappointment if he had to say no over the phone. So now I wait until Friday........its Monday here.

Now I wonder how I will be able to go in to school the next 2days, one of which I have to go and meet the course co-ordinator about my last assignment that got lower grades.(I still passed, but with a mark that is sooo embarrassing to me) This makes me more anxious than you can imagine......I struggle with figures of authority, especially if they are women and this lecturer is. She freaks me out, and is the one who always leads the group discussions where I end up soo overwhelmed and triggered and have a panic attack almost! I do not enjoy her paper one bit, it involves looking deeply at myself in front many people......the risk feels so high, and I become overwhelmed by fear and all of my insecurities come rushing to the surface. It is not pretty.

Gosh, I am 43 and terrified to go to school!! So ashamed right now of my inability to get past all of these things that stress me out soo much. Once again, sorry to vent here...it is the only space I have to do it really. And again, thanks for the feedback everyone....it helps me not feel quite so alone.