I'm sorry, that sounds really terrible... I would suggest you seek immediate help from a psychiatrist and therapist if you can. I know it may be hard but try to hug your kids a little - they need some love from their mom.

Maybe you can use your kids as a motivation to seek help and get your self to a better place because they really need you! I'm not trying to make you feel guilty - you need to worry about your own health first and these problems you are having are NOT your fault. But you should try to get yourself to a better place so you can be better for yourself AND your kids.

Seeing a mental health professional as soon as possible will get you started on the path to doing this. Good luck and hang in there. There are countless people here who are really struggling too and I know you can find some advice, support and motivation by posting here.