Jane, are you meeting with this course co-ordinator alone? I am wondering if it might be better (if you get time alone with her) to be honest and tell her you have PTSD and are trying to move forward with your life as best as you can. It's just a thought Jane, if you are really uncomfortable with that idea I will understand, most people don't talk about being challenged with PTSD in fear of how people will react.

If this is not an approachable woman and what you are studying and want to do someday means talking about PTSD a bad idea, then I get that. I understand about certain women in authority positions being triggering, I have had that myself, certain types of women can trigger me because of my older sister who can be bossy and condescending.

Ok, you passed your test that is good, don't worry so much about a high grade, just focus on your "own" learning because that is what is important, in the end it isn't always the ones that get the high grades that turn out to be the best, instead it is the one who wants it the most. Hey, I taught a mother in her 40's and I had to get her to change something in her riding, she nearly had a meltdown about it, but she did try and got past her self doubt and she was a professional, had a good job. So don't worry about being sensitive, believe me, you are not alone in that. Jane, this woman is just a person, and ordinary person, not as much authority as you are putting her up to be, she has her issues and bad days too, she's just another human, you can get past that. You know Jane, you have every damn right to like whatever dishes you want and you have to embrace that about "your right". And remember, these people, they are NOT there to beat you up, they are there to help you learn, it is their "job".

My daughter goes every November to train with a big time trainer, he very tough and a lot of students are afraid of him, every year my daughter spends time with these "fearful" ones and encourages them to try, she also reminds them that when he picks on them, it means he is paying attention to them and showing them what they need to learn, it's just his style to be a bit tough that's all.

Try to keep in mind Jane with these intimidating types, they are not picking on you, it's just the type of person they are, they are that way with everyone, it isn't just you. Also, don't worry about your age and struggling, we are who we are all our lives and we just have to do our best to allow ourselves to grow, we really do grow and learn all of our lives
anyway.

If you need to, take me with you I am here encouraging you, believing in you and impressed with how you are trying very hard too. You can have me in your mind with a caring voice encouraging you, I do believe in you, and I know you will get past this.

Remember, those who end up being the best are those really want it. You want this Jane, so even when things challenge you, you will push hard, I already know that about you.

Get some rest tonight, do this one day at a time. I will check this forum in the morning and also later on in the late afternoon. You are not alone.

(((Big Supportive Hugs)))
OE