Thank you OE. I don't deserve so much of your time when you are also struggling, but I do appreciate it immensely. (Even though I feel so incredibly uncomfortable accepting the support! Yes, I am nuts)

I hope you are taking good care of yourself at the moment also OE.

The lecturer is lovely in class, but her demeanour changes to more serious when I got her one on one. It must be me lol. I have spoken to her after class when I had a bad episode one day and told her about my PTSD, and later seriously regretted it! But it is all wound up together you see......

I need to share stuff about myself in my work and class, but for me sharing deep things about myself, what makes me me(which I struggle to even know sometimes) is a huge fear/risk for me. A risk of judgement/dislike/non-acceptance etc and this makes me want to run and hide. I fear intensely being hurt by people, and that is why I find it very hard to allow people to get too close to me. It scares me, but is a vicious cycle.......for I know that to be genuinely vulnerable and show myself to people is the way to true connections with people, and then to happiness I guess. My instincts prevent me from so much, and it makes me sad that it is still this way. I really never understood how significantly my past has affected me and kept me from living a meaningful life.

I wonder for how many people here this is also the case?