I am also not diagnosed with AvPD.

A lot of what Red Panda said applies to me as well. Except that I cannot comfortably talk in front of others even if it's not about me. But I still much, much prefer talking about a recent news story or something like that as opposed to myself. I hate small-talk and have very little to say most of the time. I never talk about my feelings and am almost incapable of doing so.

I do believe that most other people are "better" than me, at least as far as the real world / society is concerned. I definitely think I am a total "loser" by all objective standards, but I don't think I'm a bad person so much. I am a failure and a loser and live a laughably depressing life but I think I'm an okay person overall because I like to help people when given the opportunity and I'm never mean to strangers or anything. But I do think I'm a bad person in some ways, just don't preoccupy myself with it I guess... at least I have good intentions so that counts for something right?

I am an awkward person with awkward mannerisms and I often feel like people are noticing it and laughing at me - either to themselves or when I hear people laugh and didn't hear what they were joking about I often think it's because I was acting weird or stupid in some way and they are laughing at me. But I accept that I act strangely and awkwardly and accept that if they are laughing at me I deserve it and believe it to be justified by societal standards. I know I am a laughable person and I accept that, but I hide from society to shield myself from it.

I feel like I tried to fit into society in vain for many years and slowly began to realize that I didn't fit in and never would. Although from the beginning I went about trying to fit in all wrong because I have bad social skills. That said I have always been nervous, shy, quiet, had a hard time connecting with others, etc. I used to "give it my best shot" to some degree but now I have just given up and am mostly a reclusive alcoholic chain-smoker. It is more comfortable to me than "putting myself out there" because I have accepted (after years of putting myself out there) that I will always fail and be rejected and even if people put up with me they still think I'm a big joke even if they're being nice to me (some people are nice but it doesn't mean they respect you).

I also an extremely non-assertive like Red Panda said. This has always been a problem for me. I think if given a certain opportunity I could do something brave as I'm willing to risk my life to help someone or whatever, but overall I am a coward. I would like to be given the opportunity to do something great like pull someone off of a subway track as a train is bearing down but I don't think I'll get that opportunity, plus I would hate the recognition and would prefer to run off right afterward.

I would also like to go back in time and fight the nazis. If anyone has access to a time machine please let me know. I will keep my mouth shut about the future and just fight the nazis - I promise to try my best not to cause any time paradoxes or anything like that.

I think it boils down to that I am afraid of participating in life. I think this might be a major theme in all of those with AvPD. I am rather numb at this point but basically life terrifies me - it's overwhelming, complex, diffiicult and I am ill-equipped to deal with it. We are forced to try to get by one way or another because that is the nature of life, but we are terrified of life (99% of life is social after all). Personally that's how I'd sum up AvPD: "terrified of living"

Blah blah, rant rant. I would be interested to hear what other people here have to say about their avoidance. And if any of you want to fight the nazis with me let me know and I will get in touch as soon as I can get access to a time machine.