Quote:
Originally Posted by soccerdad
I told her that I don't want to end up a miserable old man married to a woman who resents him for whatever reason. I expressed my anger and frustration about her temper and my lack of space.
Not 12 hours later we were sitting in the living room with no kids in the house. She asked me if I just wanted to sit in today and relax because I seemed tired. I told her that would be nice and then she responded with the Female "Fine then". When I asked her what I did wrong she said "well I wanted to go for a walk but I guess that I'll just have to go out and do that by myself".
She didn't say she wanted to go out for a walk or even give me the chance to say "oh okay, a walk would be nice". She just jumped at me and got angry immediately. I realize that it was not even a day removed from our conversation but I couldn't believe it. Needless to say overall it was not a pleasant weekend.
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I realize that changes don't happen overnight. Not all women, say 'fine then', fyi.
It's more a line of having expectations, from an indirect passive styled line of question. Instead of voicing her needs/wants directly towards you, she had an expectation in the back of her mind, and then exploded upon not getting the answer that she wanted.
I can see how living like that, through the years, leads to a dysfunctional relationship.
It could be gender based, I suppose, as women are ingrained to learn to not be 'aggressive', which tends to be socially synonymous with assertive. Assertiveness is a direct approach. Granted, sometimes, to lead up to conversations, a little less direct is necessary. But this is an example of something she'd need to address within herself.
So long, as you aren't using your 'friend' as a crutch(in back of your mind, subconsciously not going to address this, because you know there's someone else in the wings type of crutch), then yeah, keep trying, if you feel it's worth it.
Did you express to your wife, during this, or slightly after that, that when she states it's fine, then gets upset because you didn't give her the answer she wanted, that it leaves you feeling resentful because you felt caught in a catch 22 for a verbal disagreement. And with such catch 22's it's difficult to feel that there's any future left for your relationship?
If things don't change, now, while the kids are still younger, per se, they won't be any different once the kids are all grown up and out of the home.