View Single Post
 
Old Mar 20, 2007, 09:13 PM
spiritual_emergency's Avatar
spiritual_emergency spiritual_emergency is offline
Grand Poohbah
 
Member Since: Feb 2007
Location: The place where X marks the spot.
Posts: 1,848
I was going to address this: And it's sad they can't get any support here at least on that aspect.

and then you posted this: Lostson if you're reading this i'll flick you an email later - thank you for trusting me with your address.

Ironically, even though he's not technically "here" it seems that lostson is finding support -- maybe even more support than he might have found if he had simply blended into the background. I agree that it's been beneficial that the discussion has been allowed to continue.

Something else that I think is beneficial is those who have been hurt by sexual abuse have had the opportunity to see a potential abuser express regret and remorse -- many people who have been hurt never get the opportunity to see that remorse expressed. When they do (and perhaps this will apply to you jinny) it can stir up some confusion because it allows them to identify with the humanity of their oppressor -- something they may have separated from in an effort to protect themselves.

In my own experience, I had to find a way to move past terror and often, it meant spending time with it as I could comfortably do so. Often, this was best done from a distance but something happened in the process -- as I was capable of seeing the humanity of my abuser, my own humanity was being restored. That doesn't mean that I actively seek out the company of bullies, but it does mean that I'm not scared anymore. I posted a link yesterday to a collection of quotes by Clarissa Pinkola Estes and this one is very pertinent to this situation: The Boundaries of Rage and Forgiveness

Naturally, people progress in their own way and in their own time -- I'm saying that specifically for your benefit Jinnyanne. Don't beat yourself up because you're not in that space. Ideally, you'll get there in your own time and in your own way. I sincerely hope lostson will too.


__________________

~ Kindness is cheap. It's unkindness that always demands the highest price.