Hello,

New here -- recently diagnosed. In the last few weeks to a month, I have been really done...well, I didn't think I was at first, just lazy. Then my wife started say that I haven't been present. That I get home and I am a zombie and just wanna sleep or sit in my chair and stare at the tv...and slowly I can to realize I am depressed.

Now, I gotta say, I am a recovering alcoholic (just less than a year sober) and I think I am just coming to 'feel' my feelings again (first time in a long long LONG time), as in the past 20ish years I always covered them up with something, rather than feel them.

So, I tried really hard yesterday, after getting home and being initially depressed, to perk up and put on a happy face for my wife, as I know she is struggling with some chronic pains issues and lots of stress from my lackadasical behavior and her school and everything else to keep as I rot in my chair. I tried REALLY hard, but she said she could tell it was a fake enthusiasm and that made her feel worse.

I am on gabapentin that my pdoc thought would help me control my rages, a very low low dose, which it seems to do, when I get angry, I quickly get it back under control, but I am really struggling with work, my marraige, and general housework, basically everything feels like work, HARD WORK.

Thinking I might call my pdoc's office and see if I can't my appt bumped up earlier than the end of this month...something's gotta give, it's a very busy month and I can't be a zombie through all of it.

thanks for listening.