Although... you just did make a post here. It might not be much.. but it is something.

I have difficulties determine whether this means you are suicidal or not. If you are.. well.... here's a suicide hotline... if not today you might need it another day..hopefully not though...

1-800-273-TALK (8255)

This is a list of suicide hotlines in different states in the USA..

Suicide Hotlines - Suicide.org!

I post this simply cause I care.. I wish you well