The only reason that I am alive right now is because I know it would hurt others too much if I killed myself so I relate to you. I wish people would stop caring about me so that I could just drift away. Now I enjoy being with my husband so I want to live to be with him, but other than that, if I could just disappear from the world that'd be great. I almost wish I didn't have friends that cared about me so much, but I better be careful for what I wish for. I just wish those friends weren't out of state. I guess we either live selfishly or die selfishly. Either way we have to do what we want for ourselves. If you don't have a reason to live other than that, then the first thing to do is find another reason to live. Even if it's to prove to yourself that you made it out alive. That's really what I'm trying to focus on lately, to have another reason to live other than not hurting others. Though it gets me depressed to think how much I hurt others just by existing. But those are thoughts that have been ingrained in me since I was born because I was thought of as a burden to everyone. Ok I am done rambling. Best of luck.