Thanks for the hugs.

I do see a therapist as well. I've been seeing her longer than I have him - more than twice as long. But I never had any of this with her - I'm not terribly attached or emotionally involved with her. In fact, the change to this psychiatrist actually got us out of a dead spot in therapy.

I'm sure I've overdone the emails and it's hard to stop. It doesn't help that everytime I offer cutting back the psychiatrist encourages me to continue - 'he wants to know what's going on.' I can't seem to get the right balance. If I don't write he mentions it and I think I remember him saying that it concerned him. If I do write, then it's too much for him.

My psychiatrist isn't pro-drugs strangely enough. He'd rather find another way. I'm not pro-drugs and feel that I have to go through things in order to heal and not just medicate my feelings away. So it's not that. Anyways - I have to wait until next week to go over all this junk with my therapist. It's really hitting me hard and I didn't bargain for that. I let myself get involved in the relationship - I allowed myself to trust and to believe. So, this is very hard. I'm not sure if I should shut down and just go total business like with him now - what's the point in coming in for 30 minutes every month if we switch to just drug monitoring. I had a psychiatrist who did just that and it didn't help any.

I suppose this is all good anyways because now this will have to be dealt with in therapy. Yea - a new wound to dig into. A new reincarnation of abandonment - especially by men.