Wow, you pretty much described how I feel to a perfect T.

Here's the thing....you are recognizing that the shadow part that is inside of your head is separate from your true self. I feel the exact same way.

The wonderful part of recognizing that is knowing the true essence of who you really are is in there. Screaming to find a way to overpower and render lame that shadow part of you. There is your spark....your fire....your strength.....you recognize what the enemy is and that gives you power! The power to fight back and reclaim yourself!

I never put the two together until it was pretty much too late for me. At least I recognize it now, but I sure wish I recognized it a long time ago.

You are NOT better off dead for people! You are better off fighting this head on.

With the right doctors and right therapy and meds, I see that you do have a fighting chance at a happy life. So, please don't give up on yourself. Your true self is in there ready to fight back and reclaim this life you have. It is worth fighting for! Don't give up on yourself. Find those wings and learn how to finally fly.

PS. People are very much ignorant with the things they say to us. Its hard to take, but unfortunately, that is how people deal with things they don't grasp.

I really liked how one person made the comment about the broken leg and crutches and would anyone really ask that person to get up and dance. That was an excellent analogy and shows you how much peoples ignorance trully is. You know yourself better than anyone else. Trust your instincts and protect yourself, but please....give yourself that fighting chance. You picked up all on your own that insight ....hold it close....that will be the key to your ammunition against this. Fight back. Fight back hard. You are worth it!